Tips & Tricks

Here you’ll find different strategies for dealing with mental health, addiction, bullying, and suicidal thoughts that you can do on your own. You can also find ways to approach the conversation of getting help with someone else, whether it be a parent or someone else you know. As always, seeking professional help is a valid option and should always be considered if you think it will be beneficial.

Coping Strategies

Coping strategies are specific behavioral and mental efforts that people use to better manage stressful situations. (MACSES)

These can be used for any situation imaginable: a tough day at work, a really bad day at school, a fight with a friend, fighting the urge to drink, or to put yourself in a better mental place. There are two types of coping strategies: active and avoidant. Active strategies work to change the stressful situation or how you think about it. These strategies are the ones you want to use! Avoidant strategies can lead you to negative activities (substance abuse) or mental states that can make events more stressful. (MACES)

Active Strategies

• Support - talking about the situation with someone you trust so you can “get it all out”

• Relaxation - meditation, listening to music, and focusing on your breathing are great ways to relax. Try the 7-7-7 Breathing Exercise:

  • Breathe in for 7 seconds

  • Hold your breath for 7 seconds

  • Exhale for 7 seconds

  • Repeat as necessary until you feel calm.

• Problem-Solving - identify the cause of stress and do things to word towards a solution for stopping that stress

• Humor - making light of a stressful situation can help you from getting overwhlemed

• Physical Activity - exercise is a natural and healthly form of stress relief

  Looking for more active coping strategies? Check out Rutgers University’s Alphabet of Stress Management and Coping Skills.

Talking to your Parents

For many, talking to your parents about what is going on can be the first step to making serious progress. But, that conversation isn’t always easy. Opening up and talking about your feelings or struggles can make you feel scared which is absolutely okay. Some major reasons teens don’t want to talk to their parents are:

• You’re unsure how your parents will react.

• They’ll be angry or won’t believe you.

• They’ll ask questions you don’t know how to answer.

• They have enough going on, you don’t need to burden them with this.

  (MHA)

Starting the Conversation

• Decide whether you want to start this conversation or if you want to write them a letter explaining everything. For many, a letter can ensure all the information gets said and a more productive conversation can be had. It may seem awkward to give your parents a letter and leave the room, but if that’s what will help you get the help you need it’s worth a little bit of weirdness.

  • When you start the face-to-face conversation, make sure you talk to them when they’re free and won’t be rushing so you can get their full attention.

• Prepare exactly what you want to say with straight-forward and detailed statements. You can even write it down or leave notes for yourself so you say everything you want to say. Here are some examples of good opening statements:

  • Don’t just say: “I’ve been having a hard time at school and I don’t know what to do.”

  • Say: “The past few weeks I’ve been bullied by someone in my class and I can’t get them to stop. I want to tell my teachers but I’m nervous and I don’t like the way I’ve been feeling.”

  • Don’t just say: “I’ve been weird the last month or so.”

  • Say: “For the last two months I’ve been feeling depressed and anxious. I’m not sure why, but I think I want to start seeing a counselor so I can work to feel better and talk about potentially starting medication.”

• Speak in “I” statements so that your parents don’t feel like you;’re blaming them for something, even if they’re part of the problem. Some good examples are:

  • “I feel depressed because I’m being bullied at school whenever I try to make friends. What I need is helping getting through this, which I think counseling can help with, so I would like your help in making that happen.”

  • “I feel that when I get angry or sad, it’s easy to deal with my problems by drinking because it helps me forget my feelings. I need help finding a safer way to deal with my emotions.”

• It can be difficult, but try to stay calm. Getting worked up will make the situation stressful for you and your parents. Even if your parents get upset, do your best to stay calm and continue to explain their points.

• If you feel like your parents won’t understand what you’re talking about, do some research to show them what helped you come to this conclusion.

• If you’re afraid to do this alone, bring another person you trust into the conversation, like a friend, teacher, doctor, or other family member.

(Harley Therapy Psychology & Counselling)

Following through

• So you’ve sat down with your parents and talked about what is going on. You’ve decided on your next steps and have continued on with your lives. It is easy for things to be forgotten, so make sure you remind them if you need to. Your health and safety needs to be top priority.

• Say your parents brush off what you said and don’t take your conversation to heart. Don’t stop there. Find someone else you can open up to. Again, your health and safety needs to be a top priority for you, even if others aren’t taking you seriously.

Finding an Ally

If you don’t feel like you can talk to your parents about this for any reason, that isn’t a problem, there are plenty of people you can go to for support. Remember that you always have someone out there, you just have to look.

QUALITIES to look for in an ally

• Someone you can trust

• Someone you feel comfortable opening up to and being completely honest with

• Someone you can rely on

• Someone you know will actually listen

• Someone who won’t judge you or dismiss you for what you say or do

• Someone who will support you while also looking out for your best interests

• Someone who can sympathize and empathize with you

How do I start this conversation?

You can start this conversation the same way you would start one with a parent! If it’s a teacher, see if they have time after class or during lunch to talk. If it’s a guidance counselor, make an appointment with them. If it’s a sports coach, see if they can stay after practice. If it’s a friend or another family member, see if you can get some one-on-one time in private so you can open up. For some of these people, it can definitely feel weird or nerve-wracking, but if you express that you need help, they’ll do what they can to support you.

Starting Counseling

Counseling can seem scary and like an extreme solution, but many people go to counseling for a number of reasons. Some are trying to figure out healthy ways to relieve stress and anger, others are going through traumatic life events, and some just want someone to talk to that has no personal connection to them who has to listen. You don’t need to be in a terrible place to start counseling because it really is for everyone! It’s your time to take control of your life and bring yourself to a better place, and having a professional guide you through that can only help.

What to look for in a counselor

• Someone who you’re comfortable opening up to. This could mean ruling someone out because of their age or gender, and that’s okay. At the end of the day, if you don’t feel a connection, you won’t be comfortable and you won’t make any progress.

• Someone with experience. Many counselors will focus on specific fields. So, if you’re looking for help dealing with your mental illness, you probably don’t want someone who specializes in dealing with addiction and substance abuse (unless of course that is a contributing factor to your mental illness).

• Someone that offers more than one option. There are many different types of treatment you can go through while in counseling, so find someone that offers a variety because getting help is not a one-size-fits-all solution.

• Someone that makes you feel safe. If you don’t think your counselor is creating the environment you need to progress, it’s okay to not stick with them. Safety is also important because you’ll be working a lot with them. If you can’t trust them, the help you get will never actually help.

  (Help Guide)

Be Someone People Can Go To

If you’re in the right state of mind to help others, be an ally for them. Be on the look out for signs of trouble with your friends or family members and don’t be afraid to start the conversation. Sometimes that simple effort is enough to get them in the direction to a happier and safer life. But remember, you don’t have to and shouldn’t take full responsibility for their actions if you get involved, just show them they have someone in their corner when times get rough.